Complete Guide to Male Chastity

Guide to Male Chastity
By: Lucy Fairborne

Preface

The male libido is very different from the female. It is almost entirely
focused on the sex act – which, for a heterosexual male, generally means
engaging in sexual intercourse with an agreeable female to the point of
ejaculation.

Denied access to an agreeable female (or if she is temporarily
unavailable), most males resort to masturbation and sexual fantasy as a
‘safety valve’ to release the tension caused by their biological drives.

From the point of view of the perpetuation of the species, such a
highly-focused sex drive is natural and desirable; how else were men
supposed to ‘Go Forth and Multiply’? Unfortunately, the tendency that
worked so well when it came to spreading humanity across the face of the
planet can turn out to be a problem in a modern loving relationship.

Do you recall how your man behaved, back when he was courting
you? Wasn’t he more attentive, more romantic, more concerned with
pleasing you? Did he ever forget to call you, back then? Have you ever
wondered where that attentiveness came from, or asked yourself where it
went?

It came from his natural sexual tension, and it most likely left
through that safety valve I mentioned before.

Without a doubt your man liked you; without a doubt he loved
you; without a doubt he desired you. And that desire was based on sexual
tension, on the physical rewards you could offer him – rewards that were
temporarily denied, although he knew they were right there within his
grasp, if only he could win you…

That’s what desire is. Women to keep you in line

Think back to the last time you and your man made love. Was he
as passionate as he used to be in the early days? Did his interest wane as
soon as he’d had his climax? Did he roll over and start snoring? Did his
ability and inclination to please you fade as soon as his libido was
satisfied?

That scenario might be all-too-common, but it’s not inevitable.
This book describes an alternative that can lead to a return to romance and
a re-kindling of desire, and it involves taking physical control of your
man’s opportunities for sexual arousal and orgasm.

If you can manage this, you will have harnessed his libido, which
is the most primal of the forces that drive him. You will be able to ramp
him up and bring him back down, tease him and please him and delight
him (but not necessarily to the extent he would like).

You will – quite literally – hold the key that can unlock his nature;
that can help you understand him and help him understand you and your
needs. You will find that he becomes eager – desperate, even – to fulfill
your desires.

And just as importantly, with a man who is amenable to these
ideas, you will find that you have fulfilled wishes he never knew he had,
and satisfied his own deepest needs as well.

PART ONE

INTRODUCTION

AND

ORIENTATION

Introduction

You might have picked this book up for any number of reasons:

• You might have been given it by your husband or boyfriend.

• The cover, title, or subject matter might have piqued your curiosity.

• You might have come across the idea of male chastity elsewhere, and be
curious to learn more about how it can spice up your love life and help
you get more from your relationship.

Speaking from experience, 1 am certain that the first reason is by far the
likeliest: your attention has drawn to this book by the man in your life. If so, he
hopes to receive a gift from you. As you read the rest of this book, you will
discover what that gift is, and what you might expect to receive in return.

Most of the time in a heterosexual relationship, the man is the one who
wears the pants. Part of that may be due to biology, though it sure also goes back
to the way most of us have been brought up, with boys encouraged to be decisive
and daring and girls encouraged to be desired and demure.

Then there’s the fact that men still tend to earn more than their female
counterparts; that’s likely to make him the main breadwinner, which in turn gives
him a lot of influence over how the household income is spent.

He’s also likely to be physically stronger, and a lot more bull-headed,
than you are. Because women are trained to a more nurturing role, there’s an
excellent chance that you’re more aware of his needs than he is of yours (or your
family’s), and that he spends less time focusing on you and more on his other
goals (such as his work).

Sounds great, doesn’t it? He gets all the attention and has the interesting,
lucrative career, while you get house hold chores, child-rearing – and to take
care of him. As far as sex is concerned, he gets to initiate it whenever he
wants; any time you don’t happen to be in the mood, he can take care of
himself.

So why is there such a high probability that he gave you this book?
Why has the idea of male chastity – in which a man surrenders a great deal
of power, including absolute control of his most intimate parts, to his wife
or girlfriend – become increasingly popular in recent years?

Believe me, with the vast majority of straight couples who decide
to experiment with male chastity, the idea didn’t originate with the woman
(though perhaps it should).

What you may not realize is that a surprisingly large number of
apparently traditional men are submissive at heart. In particular, they are
sexually submissive. When it comes to dealing with his own
submissiveness, a man has three options:

• He can go through life silent and ashamed, keeping his submissive nature
secret and never sharing this important aspect of his sexuality with his
lover.

• He can, either to a greater or less extent, seek relief through Internet
pornography, masturbatory fantasy, on-line chat rooms, or even less
savory options.

• He can come out to his wife or lover, trusting that she will appreciate his
honesty, understand his submissiveness, accept him for who he really is,
and perhaps even help him find what he needs.

If your man asked you to read this book, he has clearly chosen the third
alternative. Good for him, and for you! The nature of your relationship is such
that your man is able to trust you, without felling he must conceal a crucial part
of himself from you.

The ball is now in your court. How will you respond? Will you go along
with everything he wants, or will you decide it’s all too yucky and pretend you
lost the book?

Or will you read the rest of the book, waiting until you’ve had the chance
to absorb its contents before responding.

The ideal from his point of view, of course, would be for his admission
to trigger a matching revelation from you: that you’ve been wishing to dominate
him sexually for the longest time, but were too embarrassed.

The thing is, things seldom happen that way – so don’t worry if that’s
not how they’re working out for you. The reason is simple: the submissive
ki nk is much, much more widespread in men than the dominant kink is in
women. (In fact, fetishes and sexual kinks of any kind seem to be more
common in men than in women).

None of that is to discount the possibility that you are a dominant
woman who has picked up this book with a view to introducing its ideas to

your submissive male partner. If that’s you, then you’ll find plenty of
guidance in the pages to come.

If, on the other hand, the concepts of sexual dominance and
submission are new – or at least, not entirely familiar – to you, and if
you’re reading this book at the request of your man, then you can safely
assume he’s hoping that you’ll discover and nurture a seed of dominance
within yourself, and that you might eventually decide to act on the
information contained within.

And if you are a man – if you hope to persuade your wife or
girlfriend to take control of your chastity – then you’d be well-advised to
hand this book straight over to your better half. The most you’ll get from
reading any further is a hard-on. Do yourself a favor and wait until it’s the
proper time for you to leam what your lover has in store for you.

What is Male Chastity?

Male chastity means different things to different people. Strictly
defined, it refers to any male abstinence from sexual activity. For example,
monks, priests, and various other holy men practice male chastity (or at
least they’re supposed to), generally in the service of their god.

Within a heterosexual relationship, the tenn refers to the case
where the man refrains from any kind of sexual gratification unless
granted permission by his wife or girlfriend. This type of chaste male
abstains in the service of his Goddess rather than of his God. He does so in
the knowledge that his sexual sacrifice will ultimately enhance the
couple’s pleasure.

In some cases, the man remains chaste voluntarily and without any
kind of enforcement. He simply promises to refrain from sexual
stimulation or enjoyment unless his lover summons him to the bedroom
(or otherwise grants permission for his abstinence to end).

In recent years, another type of male chastity has become
increasingly popular, in which the man’s penis is locked into a specially-
made device (typically this is a tube or cage) and kept there for periods of
up to several days, or even longer, at a time.

The device is generally too small to allow a full erection and once
locked up, the man cannot remove it or touch himself in any way, giving
the person who controls the key (the so-called keyholder) an
unprecedented level of erotic power.

Some couples use male chastity as a means to empower the woman
in many or all areas of the relationship. For others, it simply brings a little
extra spice into the bedroom. And of course, there’s a whole spectrum of
desires, fantasies and practices in between.

This book is about male chastity within a long-term relationship
between a woman and a man who know and trust one another. It is aimed
at couples who want to rev up their sex life, who are prepared to
experiment with new ideas, who are responsible and caring enough to take
one another’s well-being seriously, and who perhaps wish to go further
than occasional bedroom play.

Why Male Chastity?

If you’ve never come across the idea of male chastity before,
you’re probably wondering what all the fuss is about. Your natural
questions might include: ‘ Why on earth would he want me to lock his
penis up so that he can 7 even touch it? ’ and ‘ Why would I want to deny
him access to his own body? ’

In one sense, the answer is self-evident: if your man has agreed (or
more likely, asked) to be so locked up, then he must want to at least try it.
Some deep, dark part of his male psyche craves to be controlled by you, to
be entirely at your mercy.

Another answer comes from the ideas of philosophers like Jean-
Paul Sartre, who taught us the value of embracing desire without
necessarily acting on it. According to this philosophy, the journey is more
important than the destination; the means are more important than the end.
Delaying gratification allows more time to linger over the whole
experience, and makes the ultimate climax all the more explosive when it
comes. By locking up your man’s penis and taking control of his release,
you are helping him to delay his sexual gratification – something he might
not be able to manage on his own.

Another possible origin can be found in the idea of the male
making a sacrifice for the female – a concept that is hardly new, at least in
stories. How many myths, legends and folk tales include a hero who is
motivated toward self-sacrifice on behalf of the woman he desires, and
who thus endures all kinds of difficulties and hardships at her behest?

Here’s a well-known example: for the most chivalrous and
adventurous of King Arthur’s knights, putting life and limb on the line in
the service of some fair damsel was almost a lifestyle choice … and when
the maiden rewarded the knight with her favor to wear during a joust, how
proudly he would display it as he strove to make her his Queen of Love
and Beauty in the lists!

In one sense, a man locked in chastity is sacrificing his chance for
sexual pleasure. In another sense, his sexual pleasure is simply deferred
and thus heightened; his commitment to his keyholder is certainly
deepened. When a man’s sexual release is delayed, he becomes more and
more aroused. The more you tease him and deny him release, the homier
he gets (and the more eager to please you).

So it’s hardly surprising that a man should become more attentive
as his keyholder ramps him from arousal to frustration and back; his
options for achieving sexual satisfaction have been taken (literally) out of
his hands and narrowed down to the will of a single person.

By becoming your man’s keyholder, you accept his sacrifice and
repay him with a unique and extraordinary gift. What else will you
demand in return for that gift? Be certain that he is eager to know, and to
respond. The answer a man receives to this urgent question will be
different for every woman and between every couple; we’ll examine some
possibilities shortly.

For now, let’s just recall that nature has endowed the female with
the ability to enjoy many more orgasms than the male – and that male
chastity does nothing to change that. Quite the opposite, in fact. You will
have plenty of opportunities to confirm this for yourself as you gradually
leam to harness (and fulfill) his sex drive in the service of your own.

You should never feel any sense of selfishness or guilt in doing
any of this. Male chastity might seem cruel and unusual, but it’s no more
than what your man has asked for, or willingly agreed to. Any demands
you make of him, and any denials you impose on him, are part of his
submissive fantasy. And in compensation, his sexual release (when you
eventually permit it) will be like nothing he has ever experienced before.

So rather than depriving him of liberty and treating him cruelly,
you are providing something that he wants and needs: the feeling of being
controlled, teased, aroused and frustrated by the device, and by you. If that
leads him to pay you more attention and to find new ways to please you,
so much the better. Your pleasure will become his pleasure as he strives to
serve, and to deserve your gift of holding (and eventually using) his key.

As a couple, you may discover that male chastity brings a new
closeness and a re-kindling of desire that you had perhaps thought left
behind with your dating/courtship days. You will certainly experience a
profound shift in the power and pleasure dynamic of your sexual
relationship.

Why not Male Chastity?

Male chastity is not for every couple. It’s quite possible that, once
you’re done reading this book, you’ll set it aside with the words, ‘Thanks,
but no thanks.’

Every monogamous relationship includes two people, either of
whom is free to introduce new ideas, and either of whom is free to turn
these ideas down. We’ve seen that the subject of male chastity is more
likely to be brought up by the man; if this is the case then it can be hard
for his lover to understand why he would desire something so seemingly
perverse. Despite all advice to the contrary, the idea of locking him up
may make her feel cruel or mean – or it might simply leave her cold.

Equally, if the idea comes from the woman, it can be hard for her
male lover to imagine the benefits – unless he’s open-minded and trusting
enough to try.

For the man, male chastity brings some inconvenience, for
example personal hygiene may require more time and care. He may also
need to sit down while visiting the bathroom.

For the woman, male chastity brings extra responsibilities. An
important aspect of her man’s bodily well-being – one that was previously
his own private business – is now under her direct control.

If any or all of the above aspects of male chastity are more than
you’re prepared to deal with, or at least come to terms with, then it’s
probably not something that you’re going to enjoy. If your man is still
dead-set on bringing this kind of erotic play into your sex life, then you
might wish to consider playing occasional chastity games with him, while
avoiding keeping him locked up long term.

Whatever you do, don’t let him bully you. The whole idea of male
chastity is for him to sacrifice and serve, not for you to get pushed around.

What’s in it for you?

In two words: perpetual courtship.

Before we get into the details of what that means, let’s consider
what you have at the moment. In other words, what’s not in it for you right
now:

• Do you spend a lot more time and effort pleasing him, than he
spends pleasing you?

• Who is more aware of, and attentive to, the other’s needs – you or
him?

• Do you receive oral sex as frequently and enthusiastically as you
would like?

• How about back rubs and foot rubs?

• When he does perfonn these services, does he sometimes render
them hurriedly, reluctantly or resentfully instead of joyfully?

• Does he do his share of the household chores?

• Is your relationship as emotionally intimate as you would like?

On the following pages, you will find space to record the areas of
your relationship that you would like, in an ideal world, to change. Please
take the time to fill them out. If you don’t want to write in this book, use
some separate sheets of paper.

The important thing is to come to a clear, written understanding of
what you’re looking for in return for the gift of keyholding. Make no
mistake: holding a man’s key is a gift, and one that requires significant
time and attention from a loving keyholder. Do not feel awkward about
demanding something from your man in return – the enhancement of your
happiness is an essential aspect of his submission to you. So relax, and
empower your chastened man to meet as many of your needs as possible;
that’s exactly what he craves to do.

By making these lists, you are defining the currency with which he
will be able to earn and repay your gift, and creating the ledger that will
show you (and him – remember that he wants you to enjoy this, too) that
the effort has been worth your while.

If you honestly can’t think of anything to write, why that means
that your relationship with your man must already be perfect. Will you
reward him by becoming his keyholder, or will you leave well alone?

The choice is yours.

What’s in it for Him?

If your man gave you this book, then he may already have explained why
he is interested in being chastened. In case he hasn’t vocalized his needs,
or if you’re researching this subject on your own account, then here are
some ideas that help explain why men are submissive in the first place,
and what a submissive man can get out of being chastened by a loving
woman.

If you’re finding it hard to come to terms with the notion that the
world is full of sexually submissive men, then try an experiment. Next
time you see a movie poster featuring a leather-clad, tight-laced, spike-
heeled Goddess (and you don’t have to look too far for such things
nowadays), check out the male passersby – and watch their heads turn.

Why should so many normal, healthy men feel so attracted by the
idea of the erotically powerful, demanding, self-interest female? One
reason might be that men are burdened with many dominant roles
(whether as heads of households or heads of corporations) in everyday
life. According to this theory, powerful males sense that their lives are out
of balance, and seek to redress this in the bedroom by shedding
responsibility and control along with their clothes.

Even discounting this male tendency to sexual submissiveness, a
man who is denied orgasm is a man who is constantly horny, and let’s face
it – hominess is fun for them, particularly if a desirable woman (that
would be you!) is close at hand, and just possibly willing to help them out.
Teasing, denial, and uncertainty are all part of an erotic game that’s highly
stimulating to the male libido.

A man securely locked in a chastity device has no sexual outlet
apart from his keyholder. Self-relief is no longer an option. Sexual
fantasies will doubtless persist, but they will increasingly revolve around
you. (Did you think they involved you in any case? You might well be
right, but you can be sure that whatever you got up to in those fantasies,
they were things that he liked, and not necessarily anything you’d have
wanted!)

Imagine the key to his penis dangling from a chain looped about
your neck. Imagine what that will do to him: who do you think will be on
his mind each time he gets aroused? And when the device grips and
(mostly) prevents his spontaneous erection, who will he wish were
gripping it instead?

To the chastened male, his keyholder becomes the most beautiful,
desirable, and unattainable woman in the world – and what man wouldn’t
enjoy wooing and perhaps even winning such a woman, over and again?

Finally, by taking control of his own masculinity and by handing
part of that control to his keyholder, the chastened male is set free to focus
less on self-gratification and more on his life-partner, home and family. In
an age where many of us often forget what truly counts, to be helped
toward an understanding of the real things in our lives is no small gift.

But a Nice Girl would Never do such a Thing…

Human society has a natural tendency to stereotype people by placing
them into this group or that, setting up patterns of behavior to which
individuals are expected to conform.

Often, these expectations guide us toward behavior that’s good for us –
and just as importantly, good for the society in which we all must live.
Other times, they can constrain our options for happiness, by forcing us
into counterproductive modes of living.

Presuming that you think of yourself as belonging to the ‘Nice Girl’
stereotype, what does that actually mean?

• Does it mean you must sacrifice your own happiness and
wellbeing, always putting others’ needs and interests before your
own?

• Does it mean you should only engage in a limited range of sexual
behaviors, a range sanctioned by your parents, friends, church or
social group?

• Does it mean you should never be selfish or demanding, regardless
of the reward for both yourself and for the person ‘suffering’ from
your ‘selfish demands’?

Everyone of the above definitions might be true, But surely the truest
definition of ‘niceness’ is that nice people do nice things for one another.
Dressing those things up in outrageous clothes, forceful words or earth
imagery doesn’t stop them from being nice.

Quite the opposite if you just give yourself pennission to embrace
some of those things, it can make them even nicer…

If being nice is about making things nice, then ask yourself: are
things as good as they could be, right now? In your relationship, your
bedroom, your home? Is your ‘Nice Girl’ ideal helping, or hindering, the
happiness you share with your man? Are you prepared to take a chance on
making things better?

Maybe you’re worried that the forceful nature of male chastity
seems like using sex as a weapon. If that were true, it would be a very bad
idea indeed: using sex in this way can never be a positive act.

Keeping your man in chastity is not, however, a skinnishing tactic in the
war-between-the-sexes. Rather it’s a way to give him a great deal of
pleasure.

Still not convinced? Then consider this: using sex as a weapon is a
cold and calculating thing to do. Exercising control for the purpose of
teasing, denial, mutual pleasure and fantasy-fulfillment is a hot and
spontaneous thing to do. So what if you’re going to have multiple orgasms
for every one of his? That’s inevitable because of the natural physiological
differences between the sexes; it comes with the hand you were both dealt
along with your genders.

For a man, there’s a huge difference between a relationship where
he’s simply not getting as much sex as he would like, and one with limited
male orgasms but plenty of erotic heat.

A man in the former kind of relation is liable to become surly and
resentful. He’ll end up preferring the bar or the golf course to his own
home, choosing the society of his buddies over that of his own family. He

might seek relief in pornography, masturbation or phone sex lines; in
extreme cases he may be tempted into a ruinous affair.

A man in the latter kind of relationship can still enjoy a game of
golf or a drink with his buddies, but those other activities will be strictly
out of his hands – and he won’t be interested in pursuing them anyway,
because the erotic stimulation he craves is right there at home, with his
chosen partner.

Here’s the bottom line: ‘Nice Girls’ are allowed to have fun. They
are allowed to take control, if they so desire. They don’t always have to be
the ones doing the cooking and cleaning. They can put themselves first
and their submissive men second. Taking pleasure from a man doesn’t
disqualify you from being a Nice Girl; neither does being worshipped and
adored.

And one of the nicest things about all of this is that your chastened
man, driven to the far edge of hominess through your sexy teasing, denial
and feminine empowerment, will love every moment of it. Even when
he’s frustrated – especially when he’s frustrated – his libido will revert
toward its eighteen-year-old self, and that’s got to be good for both of you.

As we’ve seen, enforced male chastity is a gift you give your man.
It is a serious matter that requires your love, time, attention and care, as
described later in this book. He will be offering you many gifts in return,
of course, but yours is the more important one: it is your gift that enables
the exchange.

Such a gift does not come without costs” when you take power,
you also take responsibility. By the same token, your man is relieved of a
piece of responsibility along with every piece of power he yields to you.

By becoming your man’s keyholder, you accept these
responsibilities in order to train and develop him in the study of your
pleasure, and ultimately to enhance his own pleasure as well.

How can offering him such an opportunity not be a generous act?

But surely He’s already Chaste?

You wish! If your man has told you that he never masturbates, he’s almost
certainly being less than honest (don’t worry too much” this is most likely
the result of embarrassment rather than any other true desire to deceive).
After all, you surely have one or two things that you wouldn’t want to
share with him. . .

Almost all men masturbate, even when they’re involved in a
committed relationship. According to one survey, most males masturbate
daily until they reach their thirties or beyond. In another survey, only one
percent of males claimed not to masturbate (and you have to wonder about
the reliability of that one percent).

So male masturbation is perfectly normal, and as long as it’s not
excessive or compulsive, it shouldn’t have a direct impact on your
relationship.

However, a man’s libido is like money in the bank: once it’s spent, you
have to wait for the next payday. Since your man’s sexual attention is in
limited supply. You might prefer that it’s spent on you . . . and male
chastity has a way of making sure that’s exactly what happens.

We’ve already seen that he has sexual fantasies. He has them when
he’s masturbating, when he’s day dreaming, probably when it looks like
he’s watching TV. There’s no way you’ll ever keep him from fantasizing
(not that you should even want to) but you can be sure of one thing: if you
lock up his penis and hold his key, all future auditions for parts in his
fantasy life will be canceled.

The starring role will belong to you.

PART TWO

Practical

Matters

Before You Begin

Well-made chastity devices don’t come cheap – you won’t get away with
less than several hundred dollars at the top end of the market. This means
that a decision to bring enforced male chastity into your relationship to
bring enforced male chastity into your relationship carries a financial as
well as an erotic significance, so please don’t rush it (and don’t let your
over-eager lover bounce you into a hasty commitment).

Budget devices are available, but they generally offer a lower level
of quality, comfort, and security. They might be fine for occasional play or
experimentation, but don’t expect them to be suitable for extended use, or
to be as well-designed, attractive and robust as the high-end models.

If you make the mistake of buying a device that’s uncomfortable,
insecure, or otherwise inappropriate for its intended use, you’ll have ended
up with an expensive paperweight (these items are generally not
returnable, for obvious reasons). The same goes for buying a device before
you and your lover are as sure as you can be that you’re truly committed
as a couple to the idea of bringing male chastity into your relationship.

Before you even go shopping, then, please undertake (together
with your man) the two chastity exercises described below. They keener
your man is on the idea of you becoming his keyholder, the more co-
operative he will be and the easier you will both find the process.

Both exercises involve sexual self-restraint (of the voluntary kind)
on his part. The exercises do not conflict with one another, so the most
natural and efficient approach is to conduct both at the same time.

Exercise One: Voluntary Chastity

The first exercise involves you placing your man in voluntary chastity.
Without being physically locked up, he will behave as if he were. He will
refrain from masturbation, self-stimulation, or any form of erotic activity
unless he has your explicit pennission.

This may well be difficult for him. In particular, in the (less likely)
event that it’s you who is trying to persuade him toward this lifestyle,

rather than the other way around he may well resist the idea of entering
voluntary chastity

However, you have a highly persuasive argument at your disposal:
you can make it worth his while. Take the time to be really sexual with
him. Get him completely turned on. Tie him up, if that’s part of your
bedroom repertoire (it will make it easier to prevent him from taking
charge and insisting on the orgasm he wants).

Tease him to the edge of endurance, then let him back down.
Repeat – but not to the point where you have to rinse.

Let him please you. Let him beg to please you. When he does, let
him see how much you enjoy it; let him appreciate the effect that his
attentions, and the situation, are having on you.

Then call a time-out. Tell him that he’s not getting his turn tonight,
that the thought of him trying to get to sleep while still unsatisfied (not to
mention utterly frustrated) is a real turn-on for you, that you want to save
him for tomorrow morning. . .

Tomorrow morning, make it worth his while again – and this time,
think twice before leaving him frustrated (unless you’re very sure it’s the
right thing to do).

After a few such sessions, you might just find that he’s coming to
understand the power of deferred gratification, that he’s getting an inkling
of how much erotic fun he could have in store if he goes along with what
you want.

Or he might not, in which case you’ve saved yourself the trouble
and expense of selecting and buying a chastity device. Remember, male
chastity doesn’t suit everyone; just as he must respect your wishes if you
decide it’s not for you, so you must respect his (but by all means keep
trying to persuade him if you like; the worst out comes is that you both
have a lot of fun!)

The above scenario assumed that your man was a reluctant chastity
subject. As we’ve seen, it’s more likely that he’s eagerly embracing the
idea; that he’s the one trying to persuade you. And to be honest, if he is
asking for you to be his keyholder, then he should at least be able to
complete this exercise for you. He should be able to go for a few days or a
couple of weeks without an orgasm.

If he thinks he wants to be kept in chastity but can’t manage this,
then you have to question how he’s going to cope with actually being
locked up. If he can’t co-operate for the purposes of this exercise – well,
you must draw your own conclusions.

It’s possible, of course, that he needs the iron certainty of a lock
and key in order to resist the temptation of his own flesh. Given that
you’re playing an intimate sex game with him, you surely know him well
enough to judge if this is the case.

Exercise Two: Chastity Diary

The second exercise requires your man to keep a diary during his periods
of voluntary chastity, recording how aroused and frustrated he felt from
day to day.

• Arousal refers to how homy he is feeling.

• Frustration relates to how desperate he is to be pennitted release.

If there were any specific reasons for his erotic feelings on a particular
day, he should record these, too.

Arousal and frustration are not the same things; a chastened male
might be unbelievably aroused while still accepting – and desiring – the
loving authority of his keyholder. In other words, it is possible for a
submissive man to feel incredibly homy, while at the same time preferring
to be kept locked up so that he will feel even hornier in future, and so that
his woman’s empowerment (and his own submission) can be more
perfectly expressed.

The other side of the coin is the non-submissive man, who might
start feeling incredibly frustrated the minute he’s locked in chastity, even
though he’s hardly had enough time to get homy.

Since there’s no internationally accepted scale for measuring the
male libido, your man should record whatever numbers seem appropriate.
For example on the first day (and your man should be sexually sated when
the exercise begins) he might enter a ‘ 1’ for horniness and a ‘ 1 ’ for
frustration.

Presuming he’s becoming hornier by the second day, he would record a
‘2’ and a ‘ 1 ’ indicating that he’s a little hornier but not yet feeling
significantly more frustrated, and so on.

During the exercise, don’t hesitate to be sexual, and sexually
demanding, with him: you want to see the effect of your behavior. Go
through the teasing part of Exercise One, if you wish – pennitting him to
give you as many orgasms as you desire. You may touch and tease him in
turn, but obviously you should stop short of the point where he has an
orgasm of his own.

At some point, if he’s being honest, and if he’s not cheating (and
you must impress on him that this exercise is meaningless without his
complete honesty) his arousal will plateau; it might even begin to drop off.
His sense of frustration may well continue to increase (that’s why the
exercise calls for both to be measured).

Once this plateau or falling off has been reached, reward him with
an orgasm. At this point, he will probably be good for several in fairly
rapid succession.

Repeat the cycle as many times as you and he desire, and then
declare the experiment complete.

So, what will you have learned?

You will be able to see the curve that his arousal takes, day by day,
as he is denied sexual release. You will know (relatively) how frustrating
he found it. You will also have been able to observe, from the fact that you
spent time with him during his period of self-denial, whether he grew
surly or resentful about being denied.

In short, you will have gained a great deal of insight into his inner
sexual workings, and what makes him tick. Together, you should now be
well-placed to make a decision as to whether you wish to go further.

Choosing a Device

Choosing a male chastity device is a highly personal matter, and definitely
something that you will want to do together with your man. Your aim is to
find a product that is comfortable, practical and safe for him to wear, that
is escape=proof, that is made out of suitable materials (consider any
allergies he may have) and that also looks good.

Many designs exist, with more coming onto the market as the popularity
of male chastity play grows. You should be aware that not all devices
work as well as their makers might claim.

As we’ve seen, chastity devices are expensive and generally non-
returnable, so mistakes will be costly. And it’s not just a matter of money;
receiving a device that doesn’t work as promised can be deeply
disappointing, particularly as you and your man have surely been looking
forward to its arrival. So you should both take your time and do your
research before making a decision.

Don’t be afraid to contact the manufacturer or retailer with any
questions or concerns you might have; they are offering premium-priced
products and should be prepared to stand behind them (if they’re less than
helpful, that’s a powerful hint for you to look elsewhere; we’re not talking
about buying com flakes here).

On-line chastity forums are also excellent sources of current
reviews from users who have tried the various alternatives; see Appendix
A for sources of infonnation).

What Types of Device are Available?

A whole range of male chastity devices is available on the market,
but they fall into two broad categories according to how they are secured
to the wearer’s body:

• Belt-type devices look a lot like the traditional idea of a medieval
chastity belt. They fasten about the waist or hips, and carry a
firmly fixed shield or tube that prevents access to the penis.

• Tube-type devices fasten directly to the man’s genitals, generally
being secured by means of a ring that sits next to his lower
abdomen, encircling his penis and scrotum. A tube or cage
encloses the penis is firmly locked to the ring.

Belt-Type Devices

If you choose a belt-type device, you should have it custom-made
for your man, according to measurements taken by, or at least under the
supervision of, the belt manufacturer. An improperly fitted belt is likely to
pinch, rub or chafe; it may even harmfully compress his genitals. An ill-
fitting belt is also unlikely to be secure.

Since the belt’s fitting must be perfect, any weight loss or gain
could mean that it’s not just your man’s pants that he won’t be able to get
into any more – and custom chastity belts cost way more than pants!

Vigorous sporting activities are difficult or impossible for a man
wearing such a device. Finally, a belt-type device will be difficult or
impossible to conceal under tight-fitting clothes.

Tube-Type Devices

A tube-type device will not normally need to be custom-made
(though several manufacturers offer a custom service). The devices
sometimes come with different-sized rings, and possibly include spacers
that can be inserted to improve the fit. They also tend to be more discreet
and less expensive than the custom belt designs (though they can still run
to serious money).

The best tube-type devices are custom made from a metal such as
stainless steel, though cheaper plastic alternatives are available and
popular. Steel devices will certainly trigger airport security systems, so
plastic (including plastic locks) may be a better choice if your man does
much traveling by air.

For proper comfort and security, a tube-type device must satisfy
several requirements as described below.

Measuring for the Ring

The ring should be a snug fit. Too tight, and it will constrict his
genitals, possibly causing long-term damage. Too loose and it will ten to
slip off.

Please see Appendix B for detailed guidelines on measuring the
required ring size. If the ring supplied turns out to be too small, order a
larger one. Never, ever lock your man into a ring that’s too tight.

Certain devices (generally the mass-produced ones) come with a
set of different sized rings, which can be a considerable help. Also, some
devices include the option of hinged rings that open and close; these can
offer a snugger and more secure fit than a plain ring that must be slipped
on over his penis and scrotum.

Tube Attachment

The cage and ring must lock together immovably. Ring-based tube devices
work by gently cradling the wearer’s scrotum between the cage and ring;
the gap between these must be large enough to comfortably accommodate
the scrotum while being too small for the testicles to pass through.

If the gap can be enlarged, the device will be much less secure.

This means that the best designs have multiple posts and slots that connect
the tube and ring, rather than relying on a single anchor point.

Piercing Variants

A variant of the tube-type chastity devices relies on the man’s penis being
pierced; such devices are designed (or supplied with special-purpose
accessories) to lock to the piercing.

The advantage of these devices is that even if a man has a Houdini-
like ability to get free of a standard chastity device, he won’t be able to
extricate himself from a tube that’s locked to a piercing; there is simply no
way for him to remove it without the key.

The, obviously, is that his penis will need to be pierced –
something that must be done by a trained professional, and that’s clearly

not for everybody. As with any piercing, proper aftercare and good
hygiene are essential to avoid problems such as infection.

If you and your man believe this approach might be for you, then
you and he must take the time to research the matter carefully – body
piercing is a specialist skill, and one that relies on having the correct
equipment (such as regularly-serviced autoclaves for sterilization)
available in the piercing studio. Don’t just open the Yellow Pages to
“Tattoos” and stick a pin in the page; you and your man must leam enough
to enable an informed choice about what you plan to have done. An
experience piercer working in a professionally-run studio will be able to
advise you on the piercing and its aftercare, and will be able to perfonn
the procedure safely and hygienically.

You must also take care when selecting the device. Chastity tubes
typically weigh several ounces; that might not sound like much, but it’s
more than you want supported by a single penis piercing. The latest
generations of such devices include a ring that supports the tube,
preventing too much weight from resting on the piercing. It’s essential that
such a device is fitted correctly, so that the weight is distributed as
intended by the device’s designer.

No matter which type of device you choose, be sure to discuss any
concerns you might have with the manufacturer or supplier before you
part with any money, and do not purchase unless you and your man are
fully satisfied with the answers.

Once you receive the device, follow the manufacturer’s
instructions and keep a careful eye on things as your man ‘settles in’. He
must inform you immediately if he experiences any problems. If the
device hurts him then something is wrong; you don’t want him enduring
something that might end up damage him.

Handcuff-based Variants

Some of the more economical tube-type designs are built from half of a
pair of police-type handcuffs. The cuff takes the place of the ring that
fastens about the wearer’s genitals; apart from that, these devices are
similar to other tube-type designs.

Opting for an adjustable handcuff instead of a plain ring has some
clear advantages: it’s easy to get on, and there’s no need to take an
accurate measurement because the cuff can be adjusted to whatever
diameter your man needs.

Products based on mass-produced handcuffs also tend to be less
expensive than devices where the whole thing has to be custom made.
Having said that, handcuff-based devices are not without their drawbacks:

• Once locked, police-type handcuffs are not fixed; there’s a catch
that, if released, allows the mechanism to ratchet closed. If the cuff
closes up accidentally while locked to your man, and the key’s not
available – well, you don’t really need me to spell it out for you, do
you? If you’re considering a cuff-based device, you’d be well-
advised to check with the manufacturer to see if they have solved
this problem.

• Police-type handcuffs are constructed from flat pieces of steel.

This means they have hard corners, unlike the smooth radius of a
custom- made ring, and this can make them uncomfortable for
long-term wear.

• The locks on cheap handcuffs can be trivially easy to pick – and if
you buy mail order, you won’t be able to test this before
purchasing. Professional-quality units (such as those used by the
police) are more escape proof – but also much more costly; if
you’re spending serious money anyway, then you might be better
off selecting a fully customized design.

The above drawbacks mean that if you buy a chastity device
adapted from a pair of handcuffs, you and your man should be prepared

for the possibility that it will mainly be used as a novelty, rather than as a
comfortable, secure, long-term chastity device.

On the other hand, these devices offer an economical alternative,
and they may be appropriate if you just want to engage in supervised play
or experimentation without committing hundreds of dollars to a custom
device.

Making the Choice

The choice between the two main types of chastity device (belt and tube)
is highly personal – and probably one that you and he must make based on
the factors we’ve discussed, such as aesthetics, cost and practicality.

Some couples will prefer the traditional ‘medieval’ look, feel and
opulent statement of a full chastity belt. Others will value the economy
and relative discretion of the tube-type device. They need (or otherwise) to
commission and pay for custom fabrication might also come into it.

Whichever type you choose, please do as much research as you can
before committing yourself and your cash. Seek out reviews of the model
you have in mind; ask questions of the manufacturer (and of other users
you encounter in on-line forums) and don’t get your credit card out until
you are certain. For information on suppliers and forums, please see
Appendix A.

Living with the Device

Placing your man in chastity will bring a profound change in your erotic
relationship, and possibly elsewhere as well:

• Deprived of other outlets for his sexual energy, your man will be
more attentive to you – both romantically and erotically. (If this
idea does not appeal to you, then you are unwise to even consider
placing him in chastity!

• You’ll need to devote more of your attention, too. Despite any
fantasies he (or you) may have about keeping him chaste for weeks
or months, you’ll need to unlock him periodically for reasons of
health and hygiene.

• You’ll also need to ensure that he tells you of any problems he’s
having with the device.

• If you really want to make the sparks fly, you should return his
erotic and romantic attention in full measure. Just because he’s
submissive doesn’t mean he’s not a red-blooded male; the simple
fact of being locked up might satisfy him at first but what he really
needs is to be at the mercy of a loving, teasing, sexually-charged
keyholder who makes erotic, sensual or other demands of him –
even though she prefers to keep him under lock and key most of
the time.

• For the most part, decisions about physical intimacy will now be
yours. He might nag you (or even beg you) for sex but you don’t
have to pennit it unless you’re genuinely in the mood (you don’t
have to pennit the nagging, either).

• You will be responsible for the safety of the keys, and for making
sure he has an ‘emergency exit’ available (see the section on
Health, Hygiene and Safety).

The idea of changes appearing in what may well be a comfortable,
familiar relationship may seem daunting, but remember that when it
comes to intimacy and romance, ‘comfortable’ and ‘familiar’ can
sometimes be too much of a good thing. Even then, unless you’re
deliberately setting out to create change, you’ll find that most areas of
your lives together will proceed as before.

You will certainly find that your relationship becomes more
erotically charged, simply because of the nature of what you have
introduced to it. Such a change is no more than an increase in the level of
what was already there (if you and your man felt no desire for one another,
you’d hardly be experimenting with kinky sex toys, would?)

The most significant change to the ‘grown-up’ aspects of your
relationship will probably be your man’s renewed desire to please you and
earn your approval. If you feel he’s been taking you for granted; if your
lives together are no longer as romantic or passionate as they once were –
well, things can be different from now on.

Apart from that, the introduction of male chastity need not herald
any sea-change in your everyday lives. It can certainly enable such a sea-
change, but it doesn’t require it. See the section Beyond the Bedroom for
information on some of the wider changes that male chastity can usher in,
if you so desire.

The subject of male chastity might crop up in conversations
between you at first (your man might find it particularly interesting, since
he’s the one experiencing the intimate sensations and psychological
impact of being locked up).

There’s no need for you to allow this to become an obsession: male
chastity does not define your relationship; it is an adjunct to your
relationship. If necessary, put your foot down and tell him not to mention

it any more unless he has an actually problem to report – or you’ll keep
him frustrated for even longer than you had previously intended.

Health, Hygiene and Safety

By submitting to chastity, your man has voluntarily reduced his usual
ability to take care of himself. Mostly, he will be able to work around this
by taking longer in the bathroom, using Q-Tips and an adjustable-pressure
shower head, and so on, bit you’ll need to be at least a little more involved
in this part of his life than before.

For example, even allowing for Q-Tips and an adjustable shower,
you’ll still need to make sure he’s regularly unlocked so that he (and the
device) can be thoroughly clean. These periods can be supervised or
unsupervised, depending on whether you trust him to behave properly
while he’s unlocked. You can always take the opportunity for a shared
bath or shower, if you wish to keep your eye on him. While you’re at it,
have him scrub your back.

It’s essential that your man is able to remove the device in an
emergency. If you are present, you can simply unlock him – but there will
inevitable be times when one or the other of you is away from home. If
you keep him in chastity during these periods, you must provide an
‘emergency exit’ – a way for him to remove the device if he absolutely has
to, without permitting him to do so any time he likes.

Most chastity devices come with a spare key (if you’re considering
a device that doesn’t, think very carefully about the consequences if the
single key is ever mislaid). Always ensure that the spare key is kept in a
secure place, known to both you and your man, where it cannot be lost.

This spare key is not, of course, intended to be used whenever your
man desires; to do so would be to defeat the whole object of keeping him
in chastity.

Instead, consider placing the key inside a ‘key safe’. This can be
any kind of container that can be sealed so that tampering will leave clear
evidence; the easiest and cheapest method is to place the spare key in an
envelope which you sigh, seal and tape securely. By placing the envelope
in a mutually-agreed place, you can ensure that your man can remove the

device in an emergency – but that you’ll know if he does so, so he’d better
have a good reason.

Alternatively, you could place the spare key in a locked,
lightweight box to which you hold the only key. In an emergency, the box
can be smashed, but again this cannot be done secretly.

Some keyholders don’t use keys at all. Instead, they purchase
numbered, single-use, plastic padlocks. Once locked, such padlocks
cannot be opened; the only way to remove them is by cutting. Because the
padlocks bear a serial number, and because you control the supply, he can
remove the device in an emergency but he will not be able to hide the fact
that he has done so.

Single-use padlocks made of plastic are obviously not
environmentally friendly. The financial cost can also mount up; suppliers
of chastity-related hardware know they are working in a specialist field
and price their wares accordingly. Also, plastic locks may not give your
man the sense of security that he craves.

Plastic has some advantages, though, the most significant of which
is that if you send your man through an airport security scanner while he’s
locked in a metal device – well, let’s just say he’ll be in for some
embarrassing questions when the security staff search him.

Choosing a plastic locking system also means that there’s no key
to take care of and nothing that might get lost, providing another argument
for using such a system if your man remains in chastity while traveling.

Lightweight metal padlocks (such as are usually provided with
male chastity devices) can also be cut in an emergency, provided that you
or your man keep a pair of bolt cutters around the place and know how to
use them safely. If you ever lose the key and resort to cutting a metal lock,
be sure to wear eye protection and to cover and protect any parts of the
body that might otherwise be injured by tools or flying debris.

Devices equipped with an integral lock instead of a removable
padlock are a different matter; even if the device could be cut without
risking an injury to its wearer, he’ll end up damaging an expensive custom
chastity device instead of an off-the-shelf padlock. All in all, it’s better to
keep a spare key in a safe place.

Safe Duration of Chastity

As you might expect, the question of how long a man can be safely kept
locked up without being pennitted to ejaculate, or even to have a full
erection, is not one that academics are queuing up to answer.

Recent research does suggest that a high frequency of ejaculation
in early adulthood may protect a man from prostate problems later in life.
This raises the possibility that a man who spends extended periods
wearing a device that effectively prevent orgasms (or who refrains from
ejaculation for any other reason) may be increasing his long-term risks.

As male chastity becomes more popular, stories appear on the
World Wide Web about keyholders enforcing extended periods of orgasm
denial – months, or even years, at a time. If these stories are true (and
many must surely be no more than the fantastical products of male wishful
thinking) then the individuals concerned may live to regret it.

Every man’s libido is different, and will undergo further change as the
years go by.

For example, an eighteen-year-old male might (given the
opportunity) ejaculate twice a day or more. By the time he reaches his
fifties, the same man could easily be down to a couple of times a week.
Because of his stronger libido, the eighteen- year-old might find that two or
three days in chastity sends him wild with frustration; to produce the same
impact at age fifty could take several times longer.

So you must decide what is appropriate for your own
circumstances – and you should avoid going to extremes (even if your
man’s fantasy, or your own, calls for that) unless you and he have
educated yourself about – and have a strategy to deal with – the potential
health risks.

Some couples who practice male chastity use prostate massage to
regularly ‘flush’ the man’s reproductive system, the idea being that his can
help counter any long-term health risks. While pleasurable for the man,
prostate massage does not provide the same explosive release as an
orgasm.

Performed properly on a healthy subject, prostate massage may be
beneficial, but it is not entirely risk free. The massage must be applied
extremely gently, and is not appropriate if the man is suffering from a pre-
existing prostate condition.

The gland in question is best accessed by means of its owners
rectum, meaning that not every woman will want to (so as to speak) go
there. This book does not describe prostate massage in detail, but if you
and your partner needs to learn more about the subject, you will be able to
find plenty of infonnation in the various online chastity forums (see
Appendix A) or by entering the term ‘Prostate Massage’ into your favorite
search engine.

As noted above, the effects on male physiology of extending periods
without sexual release or relief are not well understood, so it is essential to
use common sense and to play safe.

For example, it has been suggested that the long tenn,
uninterrupted use of a device that does not allow erections might cause the
skin of the penis to lose some of its nonnal elasticity – plainly not
something that either you or your man desire.

Given the lack of medical studies in this field (and after all, how
could a researcher justify such work on ethical grounds, or even find
volunteers to experiment on?) you and your man must use your common
sense. Fantasy is one thing; reality is where you and he have to live. When
it comes to the well-being of his male parts, you don’t want to be taking
risks or breaking new ground (or skin, for that matter).

So play it safe and permit a regular schedule of release (bearing in
mind that release from the device is not the same as release from chastity:
there is no need to pennit an orgasm just because you cause an erection).

In fact if you regularly unlock him in order to incorporate plenty of
teasing and denial into your chastity play, then you will automatically be
giving him any ‘stretching exercises’ he needs to maintain everything in
good working order, and ensuring that his hydraulic system gets a

thorough work-out. And last but not least, you will also be providing him
with an unforgettably frustrating erotic experience.

The above discussion has mainly been about the possible effect of
various periods in chastity on your man’s physical health. Within the
limits established by the need to play safe, the schedule you choose will be
driven by erotic needs (both yours and his); we will return to his aspect of
the subject in Part Three of this book, Erotic Chastity Play.

Male Chastity and Sports

Vigorous exercise can cause even a well-fitting device to chafe, pinch or
constrict its wearer, so it’s generally better to err on the side of caution and
release your man for the duration of any sporting activities.

The exact details of what is or is not possible will vary with his
anatomy, the design of the chastity device, and the demands of the
particular sport; running in a lightweight tube-type device might be no
problem, for example, while a contact sport would be a completely
different matter. It’s not as if a sportsman can summon his keyholder into
the stadium if he begins to experience problems.

Even a device that is light, snug and fully comfortable can make its
wearer more vulnerable to sporting injury. A blow to the testicles is bad
news for a man at any time, if those testicles are trapped against metal or
plastic when they are struck then it will be much, much worse.

Also take care with cycling, horseback riding or other activities
where the device might lead to excessive compression, or where it could
inhibit the needed freedom of movement or posture.

Always be guided by common sense. Listen to your man and make
sure that nay problems or concerns he might have are dealt with. This is
not an area where either of you want to take any risks. If your man is to
play a sport that’s incompatible with the chastity device he normally
wears, then you have no option but to remove the device while he does so.

If you unlock your man for unsupervised sport (or for any other
reason), then you obviously need to be able to count on him not to abuse
your trust (in other words, himself!) during the period when he’s free.

You might want to think of the release period as a time-out,
provided for a specific purpose, after which he is expected to submit to
imprisonment once more – in the same chaste condition that he was in
when you released him.

If you suspect otherwise – if he appears physically sated,
uninterested or unwilling to be locked up, for example – well, you must
listen to his explanations, draw your conclusions, and act as you see fit.
Part Four of this book includes some advice on how to deal with cheating
or refusal on his part.

PART THREE

EROTIC

CHASTITY

PLAY

Erotic Play

What could be more personal than the various erotic games that lovers
play with one another? Sex games are uniquely individual: the details,
variety and inventiveness of such games are entirely at the discretion of
the couple concerned.

So why should a book like this one include a section on erotic

play?

Well, if part of the reason you’re reading this to indulge the
fantasies of your submissive man, then you presumably have some
questions about the playful, as well as the practical, aspects of male
chastity. In this part of the book, I will attempt to answer some of those
questions, based on my own experience and research.

Even if the interest in introducing male chastity into your
relationship comes from you rather than from him, and even if you already
have plenty of ideas about what you’d like to do and where you’d like to
take things, you might still want to read this section for background
knowledge and ideas, and also to discover the likely impact of various
types of chastity play on the submissive male.

A heterosexual relationship that includes enforced male chastity is,
by definition, a manifestation of male submission and female dominance.
You might not have realized this when you picked up this book, but you
have set out on a journey toward becoming something of a Dominatrix.
That doesn’t mean you have to dress up in leather and carry a riding crop;
it means that along with his key, you take power. How far you take that
power is entirely up to you. Appendix C includes a brief reading list for
those who are interest in learning more.

Fantasy and Reality

If your man is submissive (and as we’ve seen, a surprising number of men
are) then he is likely to have some specific erotic fantasies that involve
domination and submission and that go beyond the simple fact of being
locked in chastity.

Perhaps his fantasies involve a cruel Mistress who dresses in
specific clothing (leather, latex, and high heels seem to figure
prominently) and who either performs, or orders him to perform, very
specific acts. The fantasies might include large doses of humiliation,
degradation, discomfort, and even pain.

There might be cross-dressing; there might even be diapers.

The point isn’t to obsess about what your man may or may not
fantasize about; rather, it’s to point out that he does have fantasies and that
they almost certainly run along well-worn lines. His fantasies might
change from time to time, but if he dreams up something new and it works
for him, then that new thing will most likely be incorporated as a regular
part of his subsequent fantasy life.

In what he thinks of as his ideal world, these tightly-scripted
scenarios would occur in reality – he’d have the opportunity to live them
out. Meanwhile, back in your world, there’s a chance he might try to foist
some highly specific fantasies onto you.

For many women, the idea of acting out some or all of her man’s
fantasies will be a problem. If he wants you to flog him, or to dress him up
as a ‘sissy maid’ or as an overgrown baby, and if the idea leaves you cold
– what do you do?

Here’s a hint: he’s the one locked into the chastity device; you’re
the one with the key. That puts you in charge.

Haven’t you got some fantasies of your own? Assuming you do,
then why are you paying so much attention to his? Your purpose is not to
serve as a script writer or costume designer, indulging your man by
bringing his detailed fantasies to life. Your purpose is to make sure that
you (and then he) have a good time.

You have already taken control of his penis, satisfying his deepest
male submissive need. Having obliged him so far, you are under no further
obligation to cater to his specific kinks – and if you choose to do this
anyway, out of your love for him, then you should make it clear (deep
down, he wants you to make it clear) that it’s your choice to do so, rather
than his.

Think about it: the fact that your man is sexually submissive means
that he wants you to take control in the bedroom. But as a by-product of
his submissiveness, he’s invented elaborate scenarios involving you doing
specific things to and for him while dressed in a corset and stiletto shoes
(or that involve dressing him up in corsets and stiletto shoes, for that
matter).

If you simply act out those scenarios, then which of you is really in
charge?

He is, of course, and even if he doesn’t know it, that’s the exact
opposite of what he really wants. Sooner or later, he will figure out that
he’s controlling you, rather than the other way around, and then the magic
will stop working for him. You’ll have done a bunch of stuff you didn’t
really want to do, to give him an experience that he might have enjoyed at
the time, but that wasn’t what he really needed.

It’s not his fault. For the typical submissive male, there are no real-
world outlets for this part of his nature, so fantasy is his only source of
release.

The whole point of a sexual fantasy is that you get to fill in the
details of what happens for yourself, so it’s hardly surprising that a man
should come up with ideas that turn him on. As he dwells on them (and
masturbates to them) these ideas can become more and more deeply
ingrained – and that’s one way in which a sexual fetish can be bom.

‘If that’s what he wants, ’ you might reason; ‘if those kinky fantasies are
enough for him, then why not leave him to it? Why would he want to
muddy the waters by having me lock his penis up, while also trying to get
me to live out whatever his fantasy-du-jour might be? ’

Well, that fantasy -du-j our is clearly not enough for him – which is
why he’s turning to you. Let’s face it; all the imaginary scenarios in the
world are not worth a single hour in bed with the lover of your choice.

The very fact that he has asked you to act as his keyholder – or
agreed to your request for his chastity – means that he wants your input
and direction just as much as he wants your body.

So when it comes to dealing with his bedroom fantasies, remember
the following points

• Fantasies are a normal part of human sexuality. They can be
stimulating and arousing, but there’s no rule that says they have to
be brought to life.

• If they are brought to life, it can be in a partial way. For example,
‘talking dirty’ about his fantasy can be just as powerful as acting it
out.

• If it’s something you want, and if he truly feels submissive toward
you, then it’s not something he wants either.

• By extension, if he has fixed ideas about what he wants, and if the
only way he can be happy is to have those ideas acted out whether
you’re into them or not – well, then he might think he’s
submissive, but he’s mistaken.

• Deep down, the thing that your submissive man wants most is for
you to be clear, confident and commanding in your female
sexuality. If the things you choose to do with that power don’t
happen to match his fantasy scripts – well, why would they?

• If his fantasy is one you can enjoy too, then by all means indulge
him occasionally, if you so choose. Stamp your own mark on the
proceedings rather than following his script – and make it clear
that he scenario is happening because you want it.

• A wise man once said: ‘If it comes true, then it wasn ’t a fantasy in
the first place. ’

• Reality always trumps fantasy.

Locking the Device

Women often fail to understand the intimate, almost casual relationship
that men have with their genitals. There’s no male equivalent to the
concept of ‘unladylike behavior’; given privacy (and sometimes without
it) they just scratch, tug and readjust as necessary.

Such activities can be at least partly explained by the fact that a
typical adult male has several erections each day, and several more while
he sleeps. Those erections feel good to the man, and a moment spent
discreetly readjusting things can make them feel even better. . .

Men are also used to casually handling their penises every time
they visit the bathroom or use the shower. If a man needs to empty his
bladder while out in the woods or countryside, then as long as he can find
a convenient bush to stand behind, he just needs to unzip and he’s good to
go-

As soon as you lock your man into a chastity device, his ability to
continue with all these convenient activities (activities that come to him as
naturally as scratching, and that probably include a lot of scratching) is
going to go away.

This means that the snap of the lock, particularly the first time you
close it but also subsequently, is a big event for him. He is transformed
from someone who can scratch and readjust at will, into someone who
can’t. From somebody who is sexually independent, into someone who is
sexually owned.

Of course, your man will intellectually understand what’s going to
happen, but there’s nothing like the cold click of the mechanism to make
him truly get it; the fact that his penis – the very symbol of his manhood –
is now beyond his reach until you decide otherwise.

So it’s only natural that he should experience some profound
emotions.

One of those emotions will almost certainly be sexual elation.

He’ll probably become aroused immediately, which will give you the
opportunity to observe the constraining effects of the chastity device at
first hand.

In fact, a submissive man may become excited simply at the sight
(or even the thought) of male chastity device, and this can cause a problem
with fitting it, because a tube or cage that’s small enough to be worn
discreetly (and to inhibit erection) will certainly be too small to slip over
your man’s erect penis.

If this happens, you’ll just have to wait. Order him to think of
baseball, and as soon as the opportunity arises act quickly. A lubricant can
help ease a tube or cage on more smoothly; every device will behave
differently in this respect. Practice and make perfect.

The other emotion your man might experience is anxiety: ‘ What
have I gotten myself into? ’ Don’t worry too much about that: superficial
anxiety can actually be erotic for a man who knows, deep down, that he’s
in the hands of a beloved, trusted, loving woman – and the fact that he has
offered or pennitted himself to locked up by you is evidence of that trust.

It goes without saying that you should never lock up a man who
does not consent, or who is not in a position to give his informed consent.

Given that you have his trust, you’re free to ply on his erotic
anxiety if you wish. A comment about that being the last he’ll see of his
penis for quite a while might be appropriate, as you lock the device.

Alternatively, if you wish to reassure him, you could touch or
fondly whatever is reachable (which might just be the enclosing metal or
plastic at this point) and tell him that you’ll miss his penis and wish it
wasn’t necessary to keep it confined for so long (but that it’s for his own
good).

With the ‘locking ceremony’ out of the way, there’s no need to
dwell on thins. If enforced male chastity is to be an everyday part of your
lives from now on, then you don’t have to make a big deal about his new
condition – it’s supposed to be nonnal, isn’t it? Feel free to tell him to put
his pants back on, to zip up, and to get on with his day – while you get on
with yours.

The Chastened Male

Presuming that you keep your man in chastity for all or most of the time,
what does that mean to your day-to-day relationship? Your days together
can hardly turn into one long kinky scene after another; that might sound
like fun (particularly to him) but you still have your lives to live.

So after a while, the fact that he is locked into a chastity device
will fade into the background – but for him, at least, it will seldom
disappear completely. The device is locked to his most sensitive parts and
he will be constantly reminded of it. And every time he is remind of the
device, he’ll also be reminded of the person who controls it – you.

The times when he will be most conscious of the device will be
when he gets aroused enough to trigger an erection. He won’t be able to
have a full erection, of course, because the device will not allow it. That
fact will instantly draw his attention to his predicament, and keep it there
until his arousal subsides.

Think about that: whenever he ’s aroused, he ’s going to be thinking
of you. If he gets turned on and you aren’t there . . . he’ll be wishing that
you were.

Male Libido and Sexual Behavior

As we’ve seen, male libido increases with denial. The longer he goes
without an orgasm, the homier a man will get. Obviously, male libido also
increases when a man is aroused by a woman that he funds attractive.

Put these two facts together and it’s not hard to see that his libido
increases when he experiences denial and attraction at the same time. In
other words, when the woman he wants is right there to tantalize and tease
him, nut instead of surrendering to his desires, she denies him and strings
him along.

If you want to maximize his arousal and frustration, it’s worth
bearing the above male sexual responses in mind.

This is where teasing, touching and proprietorial behavior come in.
You have a whole annory of subtle signals that you can send him

whenever you like – taking his hand, fixing his tie, straightening his
lapels, or simply touching his back can be a powerful reminder of his
condition and your role in it.

In private, the sky’s the limit. Pay some attention to his penis – or
rather, to the device in which it’s locked. Remind him of how powerless it
makes him, and that he’d better be good if he ever wants to get free of it.

Emphasize the device even more by touching or taping it; the
chances are that he’ll find it incredibly erotic. Don’t restrict yourself to
your hands: use a pencil, or your foot, or whatever’ s handy. If your
relationship has explored male submission to the point where you have a
riding crop around the place, use that!

Your chastened man’s need to please and serve you arises from his
submissiveness, which is intimate linked to his sexuality, and which
increases with his denial. The longer he’s locked up, the more desperate he
will become to please – though you may reach a point of diminishing
returns, at which point the wise keyholder will release her man and begin
the process again.

In the meantime, he’ll want to earn his release – but he won’t want
it to be easy. The reward that comes too easily is less worth having, so
make him work hard for your approval: it will mean more to him if he
really has to earn it.

Decide what you want from him, and be specific and
uncompromising about it. His own preference might be to serve you in
some sexual way, but you don’t have to allow that unless, or until, you’re
ready. Remember: this is about your desires, not about his fantasies. The
things he wishes to do for you are unlikely to be an exact match for the
things you’d like him to do … and guess who gets to choose?

The person with the key, of course! You have plenty of options.
Have him give you a leisurely massage, or draw you a scented bath. Send
him to fetch a bottle of champagne and a single glass – or two, if you’re in
the mood to share. Settle down to watch a movie together, or to have a
conversation . . . only you can know what will truly please you.

Don’t fall into a routine where you do all the thinking while he just
behaves like an obedient robot (you didn’t choose your man for robotic
qualities, did you?) Instead, guide him in the direction you’d like him to
go. Encourage him to think for himself, to anticipate your desires, to fulfill
your needs before you’re even aware of them yourself.

After all, the best way for him to repay your gift of keyholding,
and perhaps to earn the privilege of release, is for him to become the best
mate he can possibly be isn’t it?

You have absolutely no reason to be afraid of helping your
submissive man toward that goal.

Ejaculation Control

When a healthy man is denied an orgasm for a significant period, and then
release and pennitted to have sex, it takes very little stimulation to bring
him to the edge, and very little more to push him across. Even if he is not
usually troubled with premature ejaculation, a period in chastity can make
him as excitable – and as explosive – as he probably was on the night he
lost his virginity.

There is, of course, no reason for you not have received full
satisfaction – by means of his mouth or in any other way you please – in
the meantime, but even so, there’s a good chance that the first orgasm you
pennit him will come too quickly, particularly if you allow him to have
that orgasm inside you.

Rather than seeing this as a problem, you can look at it as an
opportunity. If your man has so much pent up sexual energy that he can’t
control himself, he is most unlikely to expend all that energy with a single
ejaculation.

A man’s recover time (his so-called refractory period) depends on many
factors including his age and health, but you can be sure that chastity will
reduce that period to the minimum. Within a few minutes, or perhaps a
few hours, or at most by the next morning, he will probably be ready for
service once more.

If you find he is coming too quickly immediately after being
released, remember that there are many ways for you to give him, or

permit him, an orgasm. You might find it better to defer enjoying him
fully until he’s calmed down a little, and thus able to offer you his full
sexual attention for as long as you desire.

It should go without saying that you don’t need to permit
intercourse at all unless you wish for it. You can have your man regularly,
or reserve penetrative sex for an occasional treat – it’s up to you. It
depends on your desires as your man’s keyholder, and on what works for
you as a couple.

Some keyholders indulge themselves with a strap-on device. This
is essentially a dildo that attaches to the man’s chastity device, to enable a
form of love-making that mirrors intercourse while eliminating any risk of
a premature finish.

It also eliminates any direct penile stimulation for the man; the
whole objective is to allow the keyholder to enjoy her man for as long as
she desires, without even needing to release him from chastity.

Cruel as this practice might sound, I understand it provides a
uniquely mind-blowing (not to mention mind-bending) experience for a
submissive man.

Holding the Key

As the custodian of your man’s chastity, you may well prefer to keep the
key on you at all times, perhaps worn about your neck as a pendant or
chann. In this way, you can ensure that the key will always be in your
physical control, so that your man has no chance to sneak it away for some
quiet self-relief.

Alternatively, you might keep the key in a place where your man
will not be able to access it; perhaps hidden, perhaps locked away by some
other means (in a box secured by a padlock, for example).

This has the advantage that they key will never be lost (if it comes
down to it, you can always break the box open). However, you will lose
some of the demonstrable authority and erotic power that comes from
physically holding the key.

Managing his Libido

For many keyholders, the issue of how long to keep him locked up will be
the most interesting/vexing/frustrating/intriguing (pick your adjective)
question concerning male chastity.

Within the constraints of taking care of your man’s health, the
frequency of his release and orgasm is up to you. Consider your needs and
desires, and also observe the effect on him. Refer back to the results of the
chastity diary he kept to recall how continuing denial effects his libido and
frustration levels.

With a deeply submissive male (in other words, one who asked
you to become his keyholder, or who eagerly agreed when you suggested
the idea), it is better to err on the side of infrequency rather than the
opposite: periods of frustration are what male chastity is all about. It may
seem harsh or cruel, but it’s what he wants.

The fact that you deny him sexual release doesn’t mean vow can’t
have sex, or do and say sexually suggestive things with him. A man who is
into chastity will derive a high degree of pleasure and mental satisfaction

from engaging in sexual play that specifically does not provide him with
an orgasm. Why not let him focus on giving you orgasms instead?

With a less submissive male (in other words, one who had to be
persuaded to accept you as his keyholder, or who reluctantly agreed to
experiment with the idea), you may wish to be a little more careful; you
don’t want to keep him locked up to the point where he begins to feel
unappreciated, resentful or hard-done-by.

That doesn’t mean you must pennit him an orgasm whenever he
desires one; if you take that route, you’re engaging in something other
than male chastity. Fortunately, you have other ways to motivate and
encourage him. For a man who is in any way sexually submissive, being
granted the ability to please his lover is its own reward. You can intensify
that reward by showing him how much you appreciate whatever service he
has rendered, and how much you value and enjoy the effect that chastity
has on him.

The most powerful motivator you have is your ability to be sexual
with him – to let him see that you are responding sexually to his
predicament and that his chastity pleases you and turns you on. That could
mean allowing him to serve you sexually, or subjecting him to an
extending session of teasing and denial, or it could be a simply caress, or a
whispered promise of what (or who) is (or isn’t) to come, or a gesture such
as catching his eye while you finger his key.

A man’s ability to arouse his woman goes to the heart of his sexual
self-confidence; if he can be persuaded to use expensive remedies and
tacky-looking enlargement pumps in the hope of becoming a more
desirable over, why not a chastity device where he can witness the results
for himself?

So you have a whole range of rewards to offer him (without even
considering the ultimate reward of an orgasm) in order to manage his sex
drive while keeping him psychologically – if not physically – satisfied.

Every man has his own unique libido, and every man will respond
to the frustration of enforced chastity in a different way. Denied the sexual

release of orgasm, his libido climbs as he becomes more aroused and his
need for release becomes more urgent.

Eventually, his libido will plateau: keeping him locked up longer
will have little further effect (though it may have a psychological effect in
demonstrating your power over him; clearly, being unbearable homy for
one day is very different from being unbearably homy for a whole week).

Some chastened men will prefer the former, some the latter, and
some (the really submissive ones) will prefer whatever you choose for
them.

As a keyholder, you need a way to estimate and understand the
effect that chastity is having on your man. If you want to fmstrate him
beyond endurance – well, how can you, unless you know how much he
can endure? And if you want to reward him for pleasing you, how can you
choose the most appropriate reward, unless you have an idea of whether
his submissive need to be locked up by you outweighs his physiological
need for an orgasm? For some men, the most powerful gift you can offer
might be to refuse to unlock him, while giving him the opportunity to
serve you in some way, instead.

This leads us back once more to the chastity diary he kept back
when you were planning all this together. The record he kept, together
with your observation of him and your communication with him, will
inform you of how his libido, and frustration, ramps up and down.

Of course, you don’t have to release him just because he’s
unbearably frustrated; the only thing you must do is ensure that he stays
safe, healthy, and hygienic. Understanding his sexual response to being in
chastity is just one factor that can inform your final decision about
whether and when to release him and permit him an orgasm.

When you do decide to allow an opportunity for release, how
should handle it? As his keyholder, you’re obviously entitled to march him
into the bedroom, unlock him, and do as you please with him – and why
shouldn’t you? Without a doubt, your submissive man would appreciate
being enjoyed in such a spontaneous and forceful way.

If you’d prefer some more subtle or playful alternatives, here are
some suggestions. Feel free to use them, or to invent your own.

Dicing with Domination

In this scenario, you take some game that you both enjoy – and make it
sexy. Challenge him to play, letting him know that if he wins, he might be
allowed out for a teasing session. If he wins three in a row, he might be
allowed an orgasm.

If he loses, he’ll be kept locked up and you’re the only one who
can expect sexual satisfaction. If he loses three in a row, he’ll be locked up
for at least three more days.

I’ve given terms for an example game, but the actual rules,
rewards, penalties and timings for your game are entirely up to you.
Essentially, you are playing ‘forfeits’; you keep score of wins and losses,
can be adapted in this way.

If he turns out to be a mean winner (or a bad loser), I’m sure you
can think of at least one good way to penalize him.

(Un)fair Exchange

In this scenario, you inform your man of the ‘orgasm ration’ you require,
in other words’ how many he must give you to earn one of his own. Start
with a reasonable ration and don’t be afraid to revise it upward as
necessary.

During a particularly mind-blowing climax, it would be perfectly
understandable for any woman to lose count – and if this should happen to
you, it’s okay; you can always deduct a few to be on the safe side, or even
start from zero again.

Note that some people would consider it highly unfair to do this
twice in a row.

Reward and Punishment

This scenario involves a more hard-core approach to male chastity play,
and can be used if you and your man agree to widen the scope and impact
of his chastity, taking it beyond the bedroom.

The idea is that the keyholder monitors her man’s performance in
the areas she considers important (remember the lists you made? Now is
the time you get to really use them).

If he pleases you – by giving you massages and orgasms, by doing
the chores, by getting the kids ready for school, or by fulfilling whatever
other desires you have specified – then you give him a reward point.

If he displeases you – by refusing to do a chore, by staying late at
work without calling, or by displaying resentment at being locked in
chastity, for example – then you give him a penalty point.

When you determine that it might be time to release him, compare
his reward/penalty balance and decide if he’s earned the right.

Depending on how strict you want to be, you might decide that if
the reward points outweigh the penalty points, then he can have his
orgasm. Or you might require that he has twice as many bonus points as
penalty points, or at least 100 bonus points and no more than 10 penalty
points … the possible variations are infinite, and the details are up to you.

As time goes on, you might want to adjust the required ration of
bonus/penalty points to keep things challenging for your man.

Whether you use on or another of the above schemes, or invent your own,
never permit your man to develop the belief that he’s entitled to release.
The first few times that he earns or wins his way out of chastity, go along
with it, but at some point (and before he has the chance to become too
accustomed to the routine) tell him that you’ve changed your mind: this
time, he is not to be released after all.

You are not cheating by doing this. Rather, you are re-establishing
the ground rules, the most important of which is that you are in control.
No matter how richly he thinks he deserves an orgasm, you are still
entitled to deny him if you wish, for any reason whatsoever and without
having to explain yourself.

If he objects, you have the ultimate comeback; he’s just lost any
chance to receive what he thought he’d earned, and will now have to wait
even longer. Such a response will most likely silence any further

argument, and if it doesn’t – well, he’s just making things even worse for
himself.

For a man who’s really into submitting to you and being chastened
by you, the one-sidedness and ‘unfairness’ of your decision will get him
even hotter.

Re-Attachment

Immediately after a man has an orgasm, his libido falls away. Since it’s
his libido that drives him into male chastity in the first place, you might
encounter some reluctance or even resistance to the idea of being locked
up again.

If you and he are serious about male chastity then this is not
something you should permit. If you let him off the hook, so to speak, then
the decision of when and whether he wears the device is taken out of your
hands and placed in his.

If you device to take this laissez-faire approach, then you will be
turning his chastity into an occasional sex game, one that’s initiated by
him and then controlled by you until the point of his release. For couples
who are into the fantasy of male chastity more than its full reality, this can
be a satisfying and highly arousing compromise – and you never know, if
you and he decide you really enjoy this chastity play, you might end up
gradually taking things further.

On the other hand, if your goal is to make his chastity something
more than an occasional bedroom game, then you must ensure that he gets
back into the device at your command. You might choose to allow him
some time off if you wish, but when you decide to lock him up again, then
locked up he must be.

How do you and he manage this, if his post-orgasmic mind-set
makes him reluctant to allow it? Given that he’s physical stronger than
you, you’re hardly going to be able to place the device on him by force. . .

Here are some possibilities.

• If he’s submissive and enlightened about what he really needs,

then he might well be able to put his immediate feelings aside,

accepting the device voluntarily. If so, then there’s no problem:
you just lock him up again whenever you feel ready to do so.

• If male chastity is important to him, but he’s reluctant to accept the
device simply because he’s not aroused by it at the moment, you
can coerce him. He knows he wants chastity; tell him, you’re not
going to play any more unless it’s on your terms – and that means
he gets locked up right now.

• Some women, when faced with a lover who has a real problem
accepting the device when he’s not horny while still genuinely
wishing to be chastened at other times, resort to restraining him
with handcuffs whenever he is released from the device. The only
way he can get free of the cuffs is to submit to being placed in
chastity again.

Of course, a man who really objects to being chastened can always
free himself using the key you have set by for emergencies. He could even
use bolt cutters or similar tools to remove a padlock or break the device. In
short, there’s no point (and no possible justification) in a woman trying to
keep her man in chastity if he really doesn’t wish it.

Similarly, if he finds ways to cheat (by using the emergency key,
for example) then there’s no point in you making the effort to keep his
chastity as an important part of your sex lives; if he won’t play by the
rules, why should you play at all?

PART FOUR

Going Forward
Or

Going Back

What if He Changes his Mind?

Any man who has requested, or agreed, to be locked in chastity is self-
evidently submissive, with a desire to be sexually controlled by his
partner. If he didn’t have powerful fantasies about you becoming his
keyholder, he wouldn’t permit you to take that control.

Even the most submissive man, however, can find that his desire to
be kept in chastity conflicts with the reality of being so constrained.

Recall the various changes that your chastened man will
experience. He has spent his entire life, up to now, enjoying unrestricted
access to his penis, with all the pleasure, convenience and satisfaction that
brings him. He’s been able to go to the toilet standing up, to play sports
with impunity, to lie on his front in complete comfort, to have as many
erections as he pleases. . .

Once he’s locked up, all such pleasures will be gone (but hardly
forgotten) as fantasy turns into reality and his new state begins to sink in.
His submissive nature won’t have changed, but an element of rebellion
might enter his make-up, too.

The paradox is that a man who refuses the chastity device might, a
few days later, be ‘in the mood’ again — and trying to wheedle his way
back into your good books (and back under your lock and key). As we’ve
seen, if you allow him to win this game then you have lost control of the
situation: you might be his playmate, but you have ceased to be his
keyholder.

The question of whether you wanted that role in the first place, or
whether you want it back now, is for you to answer. When your man gets
around to deciding that he wants to play again (and given that he’s
submissive and chastity-oriented, he will), it’s no skin off your nose to tell
him you’re not in the mood any more.

On the other hand, if you are in the mood, and if you’re still
serious about keeping him chaste, then you must take control back (or
better still, avoid ceding control in the first place). The remainder of this
section explores the issue of male reluctance – and the strategies you have
available to deal with it – in more depth.

The Compliant Man

The easiest case for you to manage is where your man’s desire for
submission outweighs his desire to rebel – the so-called ‘compliant man. ’

When you release such a man from his imprisonment, he will
meekly submit to being locked up again as soon as you decide to do so.
Even if you unlock him, tease him mercilessly, and then lock him up
without permitting him relief (‘saving him for another day’, as it were) he
will stifle any complaints. He might groan with frustration, but he won’t
try to resist.

He trusts you, knows that you love him, and knows that ‘another
day’ will come – but only when you decide it should. The fact that it is
you, rather than he, who gets to make that decision is a huge turn-on for
him – as is the fact that you value him (and his penis) enough to want to
keep everything securely under lock and key for your own exclusive use.

Similarly, if you unlock a compliant man for practical reasons such
as sports or bathing, you can trust him to obey your command that he is
not to touch himself unduly, and you can be confident that he won’t resist
being returned to his chastened state.

The Rebellious Man

Unfortunately, not every man is so obliging – and so we come to the so-
called ‘rebellious man. ’

When you release such a man, he might resist or refuse you when
it is time to lock him up again. He desires chastity, otherwise he wouldn’t
have placed himself under your control in the first place, but his need for
rebellion outweighs (probably temporarily) that desire. In particular, if you
release him and pennit him an orgasm, his decreased libido can make him
much more likely to reject the chastity device immediately afterward.

As we’ve seen, some women find that the only way to deal with a
rebellious man is to restrain him (with handcuffs, for example) each time
he is released, so that he cannot intervene to give himself an unwanted
orgasm, and cannot resist the re-application of the device.

If you need his hands free, you could try chaining his ankle to the
bedpost, or cuffing something large, cumbersome and embarrassing to his

body – with the promise that he won’t be free of it until he’s safely locked
up again.

If you resort to this strategy then you may wish to keep his key
well-hidden – cuff him first, and only fetch the key to the chastity device
once he’s helpless (and unable to see where you keep it). Similarly, you
may need to ensure that his key is secure before you uncuff him.

Of course, if he absolutely insist that he will not accept the device,
and that it is no longer a game for him, then you must respect that – and
you should also make it very clear to him that he will then lose the right to
your services as a keyholder: do not allow him to dictate when he will, or
will not, wear the device.

Male chastity is not about playing security guard to his penis on his
tenns. It’s about the transfer of control to you. If you settle for less than
that, you’re short-changing yourself and him as well.

So, what should you do if he went so far as to refuse the device,
and a week later begs for it back?

Do not give him what he wants.

You may not wish to offer him the gift of your keyholding ever
again (particularly if you only reluctantly agreed to the experiment in the
first place – who needs the frustration of doing a favor for someone who
blows hot and cold like that?)

Even if you enjoyed the experience of his chastity and are eager for
more you must not allow him to set the agenda. If he asks, tell him you’ll
think about it – making clear that you were disappointed with the previous
outcome, and that you are therefore reluctant to try again.

Also make it clear that any further pestering from him will make
your decision much more likely to be ‘No’ – and that should you relent,
you will do so solely on your own terms, and will take any further
obstinacy from him as the final word on the matter.

Or, you could make him earn your services as keyholder again, in
whatever way you please – but again, never promise that he will receive
the reward he desires. Certainty is for you, the keyholder, not for him, the
(would-be) chastened male. Enforced chastity is your gift to him, not his
right to demand from you.

When you are ready (and after at least several weeks or even
months have passed), re-introduce the device quickly and firmly – and
make him understand that any further defiance in this matter will make
you even less inclined to try again in future.

Repeated rebellions of this kind indicate that something about chastity
play isn’t working for you and/or your man. Nobody is to blame when this
happens: perhaps he asked you to live out a fantasy with him that, in the
cold light of day, he didn’t truly want; perhaps you asked him to live out a
fantasy with you that called for a greater sacrifice than he was able to
make.

Whatever the reason, you must decide where to go from here. If it
was your man who persuaded you to be his reluctant keyholder, then you
might well breathe a sigh of relief and move on; having backed away from
the idea himself, he can hardly object when you do the same.

On the other hand, if you’re still keen to include some aspect of
male chastity in your relationship with him (perhaps if it was you who
suggested the idea to him, or if he suggested it but you enjoyed the results)
then you’ll want to explore other solutions.

As a first step, you may wish to discuss the matter with him. Bear
in mind that seeking his advice may weaken the perception that you are in
control, so consider whether it is likely to increase, or decrease, your
chances of getting what you want.

If you do decide to ask his opinion, it’s better to phrase it as a
demand rather than a request. You may wish to hold the discussion in a
sexual setting, preferably one that empowers you while placing him in a
subservient position.

Seek some common ground that will work for both of you. Was
the delay between orgasms too frustrating? Did he need more teasing?
Would it have made a difference if he’d been allowed out more regularly,
for a supervised shower?

If you decide it’s worth trying things a little differently, then
you’re ready to negotiate from a position of strength. Your goal is to get
more of what you want, in return for giving him enough of what he needs.

Don’t let him believe he has got the better of you: being sexually
submissive, your man wants you to get the better of him in these
negotiations. Set conditions that are fun for both of you, but that underline
the message that you are in charge. Give him what he needs to work with,
but make sure that your needs and wishes take precedence.

If you still can’t work things out, all is not lost: a more playful
version of male chastity can still spice up your sex life. Lock your man up
before he goes to work in the morning, with the promise that you’ll call
him a couple of times during the day to ask how he’s gutting on – and that
you’ll release him that evening, just as soon as he’s perfonned any other
services you desire to your complete satisfaction.

Or just take him to bed and lock him up there and then – and invite
him to do his best to persuade you to release him and enjoy his penis.

One way or another, you and your man can still have a lot of fun
with male chastity, even if you don’t end up adopting it as a long-term
lifestyle choice.

What if You Change your Mind?

The simple answer is that you’re the keyholder, the lunch-pin of the entire
exercise of male chastity, and you can stop playing the game any time you
like.

The more complex answer is that you might wish to give your
submissive man the gift of keyholding, while also finding the whole
experience a bit overwhelming. It takes a lot of self-confidence, not to
mention time and attention, for a woman to take sexual control of her man,
so it’s hardly surprising that some who have been persuaded into
keyholding can find the experience stressful, unnatural, or difficult to
enjoy.

If this is you, but you want to persevere, the first thing you must do
is relax. Don’t worry too much about him or about ‘getting things right’ –
as long as you make sure he’s staying healthy and clean then you have the
basics under control.

Next, remember that his is primarily about your satisfaction and
pleasure, not his. Your submissive man wants you to be satisfied and
fulfilled; he wants to be frustrated and denied. If that’s not how things are
working out – if bringing male chastity into your life is having a negative
effect on you – then something isn’t right.

What role have you adopted? How about him? Are you focusing
more on pleasing him, instead of him pleasing you? If so, and if you and
he want to indulge in true, submissive male chastity, then something needs
to change.

If it can’t change – if such a change would require a shift in your
accustomed roles that is simply too great to achieve – then you must draw
the obvious conclusion: if you continue to play chastity games, they are
going to be more playful than serious, more about you giving him a sexual
treat rather than him offering submission and service.

What you do with that is up to you. Perhaps you’ll want to
remember to surrender his key entirely. Perhaps you will continue to play
the chastity games he likes, while avoiding the power and responsibility of
being a full-time keyholder. If you take this path, pleasure make sure that
your payoff for providing these sexual treats is at least as good as his,
otherwise you won’t be truly satisfied and neither – when he realizes the
true balance of power – will he.

Okay. You’ve tried this male chastity thing, either because you discovered
it for yourself or because your man persuaded you, but it doesn’t seem to
be working out. There’s no need to give up just yet. Instead, try an
experiment to see if you can make things better.

First, spend some time planning a special evening for yourself. The
chores will be done in advance (by him, naturally) leaving several hours
free for whatever you wish.

Take a piece of paper, and make a list of things you would enjoy
doing with him, starting with how the evening will begin and then
describing, step-by-step, how it will proceed. There’s no need to write

more than you wish: outline will do, as long as it’s a clear one. Or you can
describe everything down to the last detail. It’s up to you.

Remember: every item on the list is there to please you, not him.
The only restriction is that every item should be achievable for you and
your man – so don’t write down, ‘Fly to Paris in our private jet’ unless you
have a private jet and a pilot lined up! It’s okay to write down any
intimate, sensual or erotic services that you would like to receive .

Don’t include any activities that would result in your man having
an orgasm. If he gets one at all, it will be at the very end of the evening.

Make sure that he is properly chaste and homy (in other words,
that sufficient time has passed since his last orgasm) and then give him the
list. Tell him that you and he will share each of the activities you have
included, exactly as they are shown. At the end of the evening, you might
unlock him and let him have an orgasm – but he is not to count on this.

As mentioned, all necessary chores will have been done before the
evening begins; any work required during the evening (preparing a meal,
lighting candles, clearing up, booking a restaurant table, running a bath, or
whatever) is to be performed by him.

During the evening, you are free to re-arrange, repeat or skip any
of the activities. If something different takes your fancy, go for it. The
only prohibition is (still) that your man must remain unsatisfied until the
very end.

As the evening draws to its close, reflect on how things went for
you. The time you have just spent with your man will be as good, in terms
of pure female hedonism, as male chastity can get: he has been doing his
best to please you in every way possible, and you have had no distractions
or worries.

So, if it hasn’t worked for you, then it may be time to face facts.

On the other hand, if it has worked, you might now have some insights
into making it work again in future. . .

For now, you must decide whether to unlock him or whether to
leave him frustrated. If you didn’t really enjoy the evening – if his heart
wasn’t in serving you, or if you have decided the best experience has to

1 If you were thinking of writing a list without any of these, then there’s a possibility that
you haven’t quite got an important aspect of this male chastity thing nailed down just yet.

offer wasn’t worth the responsibilities and attention it involves, now might
be a good time to make the change. Remove his device and give him an
orgasm in any way you choose. Since he’s been denied for several days, it
probably won’t take him long.

Don’t lock him up afterward: if he asks why, break the news that
you want to see more of him as he really is, not through the bars of some
chastity cage.

You’re always free to re-introduce chastity play alter, in more
modest amounts, if you wish to do so – you could even make such
evenings a regular part of your love life: lock him up, have your mutual
fun, and then return to nonnal until the next ‘date’. In this way, his
appetite for submission and sexual control can be satisfied without you
being overwhelmed by the constant need to deal with his chastity.

If the time you have spent with your man has persuaded you that
you want to continue with chastity play after all, then congratulations!

You are still the holder of your man’s key, and the owner of his penis.
You’re free to unlock and enjoy your property for a while, or to save it for
later – the choice is yours.

Beyond the Bedroom

One of the most popular reasons given in support of male chastity is that
chastened men help more around the house.

If you’re one of those women who’s lucky enough to have a
partner who already does his share, then this won’t be too relevant to you.
If you’re one of the majority who ends up doing most of the cooking,
cleaning, shopping, and laundry herself . . . then keeping a chastened male
around the place can be like having an extra pair of hands.

As we’ve already seen, using sex as a weapon is neither healthy
nor constructive, and this applies just as much to getting the housework
done as anywhere else. Locking your man up and then blackmailing him
into scrubbing the bathroom is likely to harm, rather than strengthen, your
relationship with him.

On the other hand, locking him up and then directing his male
sexual energy into pulling more of his own weight . . . well, that’s a
different matter.

The longer he spends in chastity, the more he will focus on your
needs. With most men, the main interest will be fulfilling your erotic,
romantic and physical needs – he wants to woo and win you into using
your key, after all – so you may need to drop some subtle (or not-so-
subtle) hints to get him to take on a fairer share of the household chores.

Other men can find a deep satisfaction in domestic service; some
individuals even visit establishments run by professional Mistresses,
where they pay for the privilege of scrubbing floors, for example. If your
man has this particular kink, he will most likely volunteer at the first sign
the chore needs to be done; at the very least he will respond eagerly to the
suggestion that he should do it.

As in so many areas of a relationship, nudging a man toward
taking his fair share of the chores is a balancing act. By no means all
women want to push their men in this direction, and by no means all me
fantasize about scrubbing bathrooms … so it’s important to discover an
arrangement that works for you as a couple.

If your man already works long hours, and is more into the
sexual/romantic side of serving you, then there’s a risk that he might end
up feeling exploited if you pass too many chores to him – a feeling that
can soon turn into resentment. If that happens, your mutual experiment
with male chastity is unlikely to turn out well.

On the other hand, if you both work long hours, and if your man is
nowhere near to doing his share, and if he’s keen for your gift of
keyholding to continue . . . then there’s no reason why you wouldn’t seek
to receive a benefit in turn, by allocating the domestic chores more fairly.

After all, if you’re constantly up to your elbows in suds while he
slouches in front of the TV, then you’re hardly going to be in the mood to
offer the sexual attention he wants as part of his experience of male
chastity. Once he realizes that by helping you, he’s helping himself, your
life should get a whole lot easier.

PART FIVE

Appendices

Appendix:
Measuring for a Ring

Tube-type chastity devices are generally held in place by means of a ring
that sits snugly against the wearer’s body, immediately above his genitals
and completely encircling them. The ring includes a number of posts (or
some other mechanism) that mate with the tube and accept a padlock or
other security device.

Plastic devices often come with a selection of different-sized rings,
but when ordering a hand-built device it’s important to take an accurate
measurement:

1 . Loop a piece of (non-elastic) ribbon or string about your man’s
flaccid genitals, next to his lower abdomen as if capturing his penis
and scrotum. Pull it comfortably tight without constricting him.

2. Mark or tie off the string to the correct length.

3. Remove the string and measure its length.

4 . Divide the length by 3 . 1 4

5. The result is the required ring diameter.”

For example, if the string is 140mm long, then the diameter will be
140 divided by 3.14, which is 45mm.

Never settle for a ring that’s too tight, or you risk causing
discomfort and even damage to your man’s genitals. A slightly loose fit is
acceptable, though a snugger fit may be more comfortable. A too-loose
ring is liable to place excess weight exactly where he doesn’t want it, or
even to slip off.

One manufacturer recommends experimenting with off-the-shelf
products such as drapery rings – eBay can be a good source of various
sizes – so that your man can get the best possible feel for the size that feels
comfortable and secure.

2 A fixed ring will need to be larger than this; see the discussion on fixed rings versus
split rings, opposite.

Fixed Rings versus Split Rings

The final choice to be made is between a split ring and a fixed ring. A split
ring opens up by means of a small hinge, making it easier to secure about
your man’s genitals, while a fixed ring is solid and must be fitted over his
penis and scrotum. This means that if you choose a fixed ring, you will
need to allow for a slightly larger diameter than the one you measure (and
experimenting as described above becomes much more important.

A fixed ring will be cheaper, and offers the advantage that it will
stay in place even when the device is unlocked, making it easier to refit
the cage afterward. A split ring will offer a snugger fit, but tends to come
open when unlocked, meaning that it needs to be held firmly in place
while the device is fitted.

With a split ring, therefor, you can end up feeling as if you need an
extra hand – particularly when locking your man up while he’s still
aroused and partially erect.

Fortunately, if you and your man feel you have ordered the wrong
ring, you can always go back to the supplier and re-order. The ring is
generally the cheapest and simplest part of a male chastity device, so a
change of mind in this area should not break the bank.